Im sure if Paul was here right now he would tell everyone to hug your kids, hug your spouse, and tell everyone you know how much you care about and love them. Make time for your loved ones. Life is precious and it can be gone in an instant. Paul had the biggest heart and when he loved you it was completely. We only had 7 short but wonderfully adventuresome years together and I would give anything to have been able to have had at least 50 years together because 7 years just wasnt long enough.

I always knew that Paul was there for me and if I had a horrible day I knew I could depend on him. He always knew how to make me laugh and he was my favorite person to spend time with. I really hope he knew how very much I loved him and cared about him.

Where is God when it hurts? Where is He now? Hes right there beside us holding onto us telling us that Hes still in control even when we dont understand things. I dont claim to understand the workings of God and why He allowed Paul to die, but I do know that His love for us is everlasting and He will always be there for us. That doesnt mean I have to like it or understand it, but God is still my God even when things are tough.

Isaiah 40:31 says, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. Its okay to struggle and its okay to be sad and its okay to be angry at God. I know I am doing all of those things right now, but we need to know most of all that our faith is the most important thing we have in our lives. I believe that Paul is in Heaven right now walking streets of gold.

Isaiah 43 says, "But now, this is what the Lord sayshe who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid for I am with you."

This is the saddest thing that Ive ever walked through. I would rather have Paul here than in the presence of our Lord. Right now; it seems the sadness wont ever end. I wake up at night and the darkness surrounds me and I just want to scream, "Why, why, why, why" over and over again. I wish that there were answers, but there are none. I wish that I had been woken up by Paul snoring beside me instead of by the awful reality that hes never coming home.

Life can be gone in an instant. I never thought on Friday when we went to bed that I saying "I Love You" for the last time. We were supposed to grow old together. Paul was not only my husband, but he was my lifes partner. We had talked about the plans we had for both our personal lives and where we were headed at work. Now the future just seems endless and sad. I want to call Paul to tell him something that happened and then I remember that I cant call him ever again and I sit down and cry again.

One of the best things about Paul was his sense of humor. He made me laugh a lot. Just after going to bed Friday night he had turned the light on his phone on and was making hand puppets on the ceiling for me. Paul never lost that little boy joy for life. Once again he made me laugh.

I would like to close with the 23rd Psalm. The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

I will love you forever and ever. Your wife, Beverley

SERVICES Memorial Service Saturday June 28, 2014 2:00 PM St. Stephen's United Church 150 Village Way Qualicum Beach, British Columbia V9K 1L1